


cold hands, warm heart

by allyss



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Discussion of Abortion, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Minor Bard the Bowman/Thranduil, Minor Kíli/Tauriel, Nurse Sigrid, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Fíli, Sexual Content, Supernatural Elements, Threats of Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy, Werewolf AU, Werewolf Fíli
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-31 09:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13971951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyss/pseuds/allyss
Summary: “To being stood up by our siblings.” He said and she laughed, clicking her glass against his beer.“I’m Fíli by the way.”A Modern AU in which a one night stand turns into something more.





	1. i.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo this is something i started writing way back in 2014. i recently found it when looking for something totally different and decided to continue writing it. i hope you guys enjoy this few chapter, let me know what you think! <3

“It’ll be fun,” Tauriel had promised her. “The host’s a friend of mine from work. She’s nice, you’ll like her. Plus there’s someone I really want you to meet. You know, the singer I told you about? I think he might have a little crush on me. He’s cute. Kind of looks like a puppy. It’s those big brown eyes, you know? You’ll see when you meet him.”

It was late, when Sigrid finally arrived at the party. Work had ran later than usual, giving her only half an hour to shower and change before going out. Her hair was still damp and she was sure the anti-septic smell of the hospital was still clinging to her under her perfume. The party was in some girl’s house, a few dozen people there to celebrate her birthday and drink free booze. She didn’t know anyone except for Tauriel and immediately felt out of place. She hadn’t been to a house party in years.

The house was nicer than she’d expected, the party mostly contained out in the garden. There were sparkly lights strung up around the garden, there was a bar set up, and an ancient looking pool table inside. Some people were dancing to the loud, cheesy pop song playing, but most were just standing around, attempting to make conversations in spite of all the noise. She looked around the house, finding no sign of Tauriel.

She’d promised to meet Tauriel at ten thirty. Sigrid glanced down at her watch. _11:17pm._

“Shit.” She pulled out her phone. It was dead. Of course it was.

There was a grizzly looking man, tall, and built like a tree, sat by himself in the living room, watching tv. He raised one of his bushy eyebrows when she walked into the room, looking annoyed that he had to turn his attention away from the tv. She glanced at the screen. There was a football game on but she didn’t recognise any of the teams. She’d never cared much for sports.

“What do you want?” He asked gruffly. “Am I meant to read your mind or something?”

_Charming._ She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and smiled politely instead.

“Have you seen a girl – redhead, tall, probably wearing a green dress?”

The guy snorted. “I wish.”

“Right,” she sighed. “Sorry to bother you.”

“There’s beer over there. If you want.” He said and she grabbed one, just for the sake of it.

“Thanks.” She said, and he just grunted at her and turned his attention back to the tv. She wasn’t really in the mood for drinking or partying, especially with a bunch of people she didn’t know, but a small part of her hoped that Tauriel might still appear. She figured she’d wait a couple of minutes and then leave. Curling up in bed and watching a movie sounded like heaven after the long day she’d had.

“The girl you’re looking for – does she have really long red hair and black combat boots? And a – uh – sort of leaf tattoo on her shoulder?” She turned at the sound of another person’s voice, blinking in surprise when a guy appeared in the doorway beside her. He was tall, blonde, with broad shoulders and possibly the bluest eyes she’d ever seen. 

“That sounds like her. Do you know where she went? I was supposed to meet her here.”

“She left a little while ago. Sorry.” He winced apologetically. “She left with my brother. I was meant to meet him here too…”

“Let me guess,” she sighed. “Your brother is the musician?”

“Yeah. So how do you and two know each other?” He asked, catching her off-guard. She hadn’t expected him to carry on speaking to her. In truth, she’d been ready to leave. Tauriel was gone after all, there was no point in waiting for her. It had been a long day, she was tired, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to talk to a cute guy while she finished up her drink.

“Tauriel’s an old family friend. Like a sister, really.” She told him and sipped her drink.

“Can I get you another drink? Something better than a warm beer?” He asked and she was about to say no, but then he flashed her a small, warm smile and she nearly groaned. He had _dimples._ Oh, he was just too good to be true. She could only nod, struck dumb, and followed him out to the makeshift bar. She made herself a rum and coke while he grabbed a cold beer. “To being stood up by our siblings.” He said and she laughed, clicking her glass against his beer.

“I’m Fíli by the way.” He said and then reached his hand out towards her.

“Sigrid.” She shook his hand with a polite smile, and then frowned. The name sounded oddly familiar. “Wait – Fíli – Fíli Durin?”

He grinned, looking a little bemused. “That’s me. Have we met before? I think I would’ve remembered meeting someone as pretty as you.”

“No, no –” She flushed, not quite knowing what to do with the sudden compliment. “At least, I don’t think so. I, um, took a couple of Doctor Baggins’ classes last summer and I used to help out when he was busy with marking.” _Being a goody-two-shoes brownnoser,_ Tilda always so kindly put it. As if being helpful was a bad thing. “Saw your name on his mail a lot.”

“You know Uncle Bilbo?” Fíli laughed, a fond look in his eyes. “Small world, huh?”

She grinned. She’d liked Doctor Baggins; he’d been one of her favourite professors until he suddenly up and left the university. No one was really sure where he disappeared off to. Some said he went away on holiday, while others suspected something a little more dramatic. She couldn’t see much of a resemblance between him and Fíli but didn’t think much of it.

She wasn’t quite sure how her one drink turned into another and then another, she just knew it was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t from work. It was nice just talking about pointless things, like favourite foods and football teams. Fíli liked the Erebor Ravens and hated the Mirkwood FC. She didn’t tell him that her godfather’s son played for them. He laughed when she said she just rooted for whoever was losing. He didn’t ask her about her family or work, didn’t ask her personal questions, and she liked that.

They ended up at the pool table, both a little unsteady on their feet.

He’d taken his jacket off on the walk over and she was finding it difficult not to stare. He had a tattoo on his right forearm, of a crown and seven stars. She wanted to run her fingers over it. It looked oddly familiar, but her brain – two drinks beyond tipsy at that point – didn’t register it.

“Y’know normally when I play, I like to up the stakes a little – good old friendly competition and that – but in this case I’d just feel _bad_.” Fíli laughed as he watched her fumble with a pool cue. She set her drink down, the dark liquid sloshing onto the table, and pursed her lips.

“Oh? And what’s that supposed to mean?” She demanded, doing her best to look offended.

“Well,” he smirked. “For starters. You’re holding the cue the wrong way up.”

“I knew that.” She muttered, righting her mistake. He grinned, looking unreasonably smug. The party was quieting down now, there were only a handful of people left. The guy in the living room glowered at them occasionally, but his focus mostly remained on the tv. She leaned her hip against the table, eyeing him contemplatively. “This competition of yours… what do I get if I win?”

“Unlikely. But alright, if you win, I’ll… tell everyone here how great you are at pool.”

“And if you win?”

His blue eyes were bright with amusement. “How about a kiss?”

“Deal.” She said and he laughed when she thrust her hand out for him to shake.

She lost – horrendously, and predictably. It only took five shots for him to win. He threw down his pool cue with a smug, lopsided grin and cocked his brow. She didn’t even try to look upset that she’d lost. She threw back what was left of her drink and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. It didn’t escape her notice that Fíli’s gaze lingered on her lips. His gaze felt heavy, the air between them tense with anticipation.

It had been a while since someone had looked at her like that.

“I suppose a deal’s a deal.” She sighed like it was such a terrible burden, but he saw straight through her.

A part of her expected him to throw her against the wall and to kiss her, hot and hard and messy. She didn’t expect gentle hands cupping her face or his breath ghosting over her mouth before he sealed her lips with his own. He didn’t kiss her like he was trying to get into her pants, he kissed her like it was all he wanted. But she needed more. She flicked her tongue over his lower lip and he groaned, hands shifting to run through her hair. She ran her hands across his broad shoulders, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him flush against her.

But Fíli drew back, breathing heavily. There was a question in his eyes.

Sigrid didn’t know how to answer so she slid her hands up the nape of his neck and pulled his head back down. Their lips met, hungry and harder than before. He pressed her back, guiding her against the pool table. One of his hands ran down her sides, from her waist to her thighs and then back up, while the other remained tangled in her hair. She gasped for breath when he broke away, lips trailing across her cheek and down past her jaw. The scrape of his stubble against her skin was intoxicating and she arched her neck, needing more. He was so warm. She didn’t understand how one person could be so warm.

It was only when she heard the sound of someone’s glass smashing that she remembered where they were.

“I live just ‘round the corner.” Fíli said, lips brushing against her neck in a way which made her eyelids flutter shut again. Her fingers tightened around his muscular shoulders as she dragged in a deep breath, attempting to calm her racing heart. “We could go – or I could – I can call you a taxi. Whatever you want to do. Whatever you want-”

She didn’t do this – she _never_ did anything like this – but she wanted – oh, she wanted to.

“Your place.” She breathed. “That, um, sounds good.”

It seemed only natural to take his hand. Fíli grinned, their joined hands swinging between them as they left the party. The guy in the living room looked away from the tv for a second to watch them go and rolled his eyes. Sigrid felt herself flush, but she couldn’t bring herself to be ashamed. She was the responsible one – always on time, a total nerd, unfailingly polite – she didn’t kiss total strangers. But Fíli was handsome, he made her laugh, and feel like someone other than plain-Jane Sigrid Bowman. It made her think that maybe for just one night she could be someone different.

As it turned out, he really did live just around the corner.

The cold air sobered her up pretty quickly, though strangely enough, it didn’t discourage her from following Fíli into his apartment. His apartment was on the second floor of a small building. It was bigger than hers, mostly unfurnished, like he hadn’t been living in it for long. There was a small cactus on the kitchen windowsill, a little detail that made her smile while Fíli fumbled with a phone charger.

Fíli rubbed the back of his neck, looking awkward all of a sudden when he turned around to face her. “You can charge your phone and call a taxi, or crash here if you like – I can take the couch - we don’t have to do anything, y’know, I understand if you -”

“Is that what you want?” She asked quietly, absently playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of her cardigan. “You want me to go?”

“No,” Fíli admitted quietly, sneaking a glance at her. “I want you to stay.”

“Good.” Sigrid said, smiling. “I want that too.”

There was a moment of silence, the air between them tense, then suddenly they were rushing back to each other. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, half-lifting her off her feet. Her little laugh of surprise was cut short by his lips crashing down on hers. Her hands flew to his broad shoulders, fingers momentarily curling around the fur lining of his jacket before she clumsily started to pull it off of him. The way he kissed her – so slow and devouring, if his strong arms weren’t holding her up, she was sure her knees would’ve buckled under her. She barely noticed when he began to move, staggering backwards in the direction of the bedroom. She left a trail of his clothes behind them and grinned in delight against his lips when she finally reached bare skin.

She ran her fingers down his strong, solid chest, all warmth and hard muscle. He hummed low in his throat, running scruff-rough kisses down her neck. A part of her was fascinated by all the faint scars that littered his body, barely visible in the dim light. There was a small round scar just below his ribs that her more sober mind would have registered as an old bullet wound.

Fíli set her down at the foot of his bed, hurried hands fumbling with the tiny buttons on her cardigan. He looked so determined that she let him be, giggling breathlessly when he finally tore the garment off of her. The thin strap of her black dress was falling off her shoulder, he stared at it for a moment, a smile playing on his kiss-reddened lips.

As much as she enjoyed the way he was looking at her, she was impatient. She quickly pulled her dress up over her head and tossed it aside, leaving her stood in her bra and purple polka dot tights. The tights probably weren’t the wisest choice – but she hadn’t exactly left her flat thinking she’d end up here. Fíli didn’t seem to mind though. He made another sound, low in his throat, before his lips were back on hers, kissing her hard and fast. She reached down, fumbling with the buckle of his belt, and he groaned against her lips.

Her knees hit the edge of the bed and she fell back, alone for only a second before he was on her, his hands braced beside her head. She moaned at the feeling of him pressing down on her and so did he. She laughed when he found the ticklish spot beneath her ribs, moaned when he left a bruise on her collarbone, and gasped when his hand slipped between her legs. Clothes were shed quickly after that.

She leaned up on her elbows, breathless, when Fíli reached into a drawer on the bedside table, fumbling around for something. She laughed when he tore a condom wrapper open with his teeth. He grinned at her, his blue eyes warm. She’d never laughed so much in bed with someone – her last boyfriend had been so serious, always put-off by it, certain that she was laughing at him – it was a nice change.

Her last boyfriend had also treated her like she was made of glass. Fíli didn’t. When he thrust inside of her, one of his hands moved to grip her hip, his fingers no doubt leaving bruises for her to find the next day, and the other tightened in her hair, turning her head so that their lips could meet. She caught his lower lip with her teeth, laughing breathlessly when he groaned. Her laughter was cut short, dissolving into a moan when his hip snapped forward, thrusting hard and fast. She clutched onto him, her nails digging into his back.

“Like that,” she breathed, unable to stop the words from slipping out. “Yes, yes, just like that.”

It was hard and frantic and she came quickly; her breath caught in the back of her throat when Fíli followed soon after. He leaned his forehead against hers, his ragged breath ghosting over her lips. Boneless and out of breath, all she could do was curl herself into his side when he rolled off her. She would leave her inevitable freak-out until the morning, she was too blissed out and tired. Fíli hummed, as if agreeing with her thoughts. He wrapped his arm around her and she fell asleep, smiling at the feeling of his fingers lightly tracing patterns onto her side.

 

* * *

 

She woke with the mother of all hangovers to the sound of her phone ringing in the other room. She lifted her head with a groan. The clock beside the bed told her it was early. Too damn early. Peering through narrowed eyes, she looked down at the heavy arm draped across her stomach. Her phone was still ringing. It wasn’t a siren blasting – work calling – or _Barbie Girl –_ Tilda – no, it was worse. _Uptown funk._ Her Da was calling. She blinked, confused at first, before the previous night’s events came rushing back to her. 

Fíli looked younger in the light of day, lying on his stomach with his blonde hair mussed. It was tempting, the thought of drifting back to sleep and spending the morning in bed. But her phone was ringing and her father wouldn’t be calling so early without cause.

She gingerly lifted Fíli’s arm off of her and slipped out of bed. She gathered her clothes, dressing quickly before she hurried to her phone. It was bright – too bright, it made something in her head pound like a second heartbeat. Her phone was sat on the kitchen counter, ringing obnoxiously loud. She unlocked it, wincing at the dozen missed calls from her Da. She brought her phone up to her ear when it started to ring again.

“Hello?” She answered, her voice rough.

“Sigrid? There you are, I was worried!” Bard practically yelled down the phone.

She chewed on her lip, nervous. “Is everything alright?”

“What? Oh, yes, everything’s fine, darling.” Bard said and she sighed in relief. She could hear someone talking in the background, most likely Bain or Tilda. “You were supposed to come over for breakfast this morning. Tilda made those French things you like. Did you forget?”

She scrunched her face up, feeling a stab of guilt. That explained all the missed calls.

“I’m so sorry, Tauriel and I went out for drinks last night and it completely slipped my mind.”

“But you’ll still come over, won’t you? There’s… well, there’s something we need to discuss.” Bard told her, his words sounding fairly ominous. The last time he’d said that he had tried to give her The Talk. It hadn’t gone well. Sigrid glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. So much for staying in bed with the lovely, handsome man she’d spent the night with.

“Sure, Da. I’m at Tauriel’s at the moment so I’ll need to drive home and shower. I’ll get there as soon as I can. Save a madeleine for me, won’t you?” She said, distracted as she dug around her handbag for a slip of paper. She found an abandoned shopping list – with _frozen pizza_ and _eggs_ written on it – and scribbled Fíli a quick note, leaving her his number. “Got to go. Love you.”

She hung up, unplugged her phone, and dropped it into her bag. She hesitated at the door. She didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, it seemed sordid. She hoped the note would suffice. With a small sigh, she left and closed the door quietly behind her.

The walk back to her car didn’t take long. The fresh air helped wake her up but did little to ease the splitting pain in her head. She climbed into her car and grabbed her sunglasses, slipping them on before she started the drive back to her apartment. Luckily, it wasn’t a long drive and there wasn’t much traffic. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep and not have to deal with whatever her father wanted to discuss.

 

* * *

 

Their little house by the lake had always been her favourite place in the world; it was too small, looked like nothing special from the outside, and was always too draughty, but it was home. It was a good twenty minutes’ drive out of the city, plonked in the middle of the quiet countryside. There was already a light dusting of frost on the fields, unusual for early October. The frosty grass crunched under her boots.

Tilda’s goat was in the front garden when she pushed open the rusted old gate, chewing on a blackberry bush with a bright red ribbon tied loosely around his neck. She smiled, giving the goat’s head a pat before she walked into the house.

“Hello?” Sigrid called as she closed the front door behind her. No one answered, but she could hear noise coming from the kitchen. She hung up her coat and scarf on the hooks by the door and stepped out of her boots. There was a smart black coat hung up on one of the hooks that definitely didn’t belong to Bain or her father, meaning Uncle Thranduil had decided to pay them a visit.

She found them all sat around the small kitchen table. Bard immediately jumped to his feet at the sight of her and gave her his usual bone-crushing hug. Tilda joined in on the hug as well, pressing her face into Sigrid’s side with a happy little giggle. Bain – who considered himself a grown up and liked to think he was far too mature for hugs from his big sister – just smiled and gave her a wave from where he sat beside Thranduil.

Her godfather looked impeccable as always, dressed in one of his fine-cut suits with not a hair out of place. He smiled when she met his gaze over her father’s shoulder. He moved around the table to kiss her cheek when her father and Tilda eventually let her go.

“You’re looking well,” Thranduil said with a fond smile. “Your studies are going well, I hope?”

“They are, thank you. The work is… tiring, but I love it.”

Tilda tugged on her sleeve. “I saved a madeleine for you. Bain tried to eat it but I wouldn’t let him.”

Eventually they all settled back around the kitchen table. She sat between Bain and Tilda, nursing a cup of tea with a plate full of food in front of her, with her father and Thranduil sat opposite them. The two kept glancing at each other, exchanging odd little looks that would’ve made her worry if not for the way Bain and Tilda kept grinning.

“What’s going on?” She eventually had to ask, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Da has _news.”_ Tilda giggled.

“Like we don’t already know.” Bain muttered.

“What? You know?” Bard asked, aghast. He exchanged a bewildered look with Thranduil. “How?”

“Pfft.” Tilda snorted. “It’s _obvious._ We’re not blind, Da.”

Bard sighed heavily, though there was a fond smile playing on his lips. “This has gone a little different than expected.”

“Has it?” Thranduil shrugged. “Sigrid still appears to be in the dark.”

“Alright, well, the truth is… we’ve been seeing each other for the past few months, Thranduil and I.” Bard admitted, looking uncharacteristically nervous. Sigrid raised her eyebrows, more surprised to find that she wasn’t really surprised at all. She’d always noticed the little lingering looks between the two, always had to deal with people asking whether or not the handsome man who was always hanging around her house was her dad’s boyfriend or not… It was more surprising to her that they’d actually decided to act on it, rather than dancing around it, oblivious. She wondered who finally made the first move. “We only kept it from you because we didn’t want things to be different if things didn’t work out. But… it is working out and I thought it was about time you all knew –”

“Which we do.” Tilda cut in, beaming. “You’ve been so happy lately, did you think we wouldn’t wonder why?”

“And you’ve never been a good liar, Da.” Bain added, rolling his eyes. “‘Oh someone mysteriously must have left these flowers here for me’. ‘I don’t smell like fancy cologne that’s just your imagination’. ‘That’s not a hickey on my neck, I fell’-

“Bain! That’s enough.” Bard laughed. “I’m sorry for lying to you, I never would have, only I thought it best –”

“It’s alright, Da. We’re happy for you, right?” Tilda said and both Sigrid and Bain nodded in agreement. Bard smiled, looking relieved.

It was an odd feeling, being momentarily out of the loop from her siblings. They’d always shared everything, nothing was kept a secret for long in the Bowman house. She would’ve seen the difference in her father right away, judging from the soft, sappy way he and Thranduil kept looking at each other. Not for the first time, she missed living at home. Her one bedroom flat in the city was too quiet and lonely.

Feeling her phone vibrate against her leg, she pulled it out of her pocket. She felt a stab of disappointment when she saw a message from Tauriel and not Fíli, but pushed the feeling aside. Tauriel’s message was a string of apologies and emojis. It was difficult to be cross with her when she said ‘sorry’ a dozen times and promised to buy her dinner at Sigrid’s favourite pizza place. She typed out a quick reply, smiling to herself, and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

“So you’re happy then?” Sigrid asked her father when she got a moment alone with him.

“I am.” Bard looked up from the dish he’d been drying and smiled, eyes crinkling around the corners. It had been a while since she had seen that smile. He’d been alone for too long - he’d been a widower for longer than he’d been married.

“You shouldn’t have told us.” She teased. “You know Tilda will be expecting a wedding now.”

Bard ducked his head, chuckling. “Well, we’ll see about that.”

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, when she was curled up in front of the fire, watching one of Tilda’s favourite trashy reality shows and pretending not to notice the sappy conversation Bain was having on the phone with some girl from school, she got a text from an unknown number. She read it twice, unable to help the smile which spread across her face. Tilda glanced at her and snorted.

_Sorry you had to rush off this morning, I would have totally impressed you with my pancake making skills. Last night was great. Totally unexpected but really really great. Dinner tomorrow? I can pick you up around seven. Fili x._

It was at times like that she wished she knew how to flirt.

_Dinner sounds lovely._ She typed back, smiling. _Maybe you’ll get to show off those pancake making skills next time?_

There was a pause and then –

_I certainly hope so._

* * *

 

The next evening Sigrid rushed home from work with only half an hour to get ready before Fíli was due to pick her up. She showered quickly, ended up jabbing herself in the eye with her eyeliner and tearing a ladder in her tights, but managed to be ready on time. She put on a dress Tauriel had bought her for her last birthday, which she had never actually worn, and a pair of heels she could barely walk in. She hadn’t been on a date in months for a reason, but Fíli… something about him felt different.

Her phone buzzed at seven o’clock. It was a text from Tilda asking about wedding flowers.

She waited. Fíli never showed.

 

* * *

 

A week later, Fíli still hadn’t called or messaged her back. After two weeks she gave up expecting to hear from him again.

It was what it was, she eventually decided: a drunken one night stand and a failed first date, a onetime thing not to be repeated. The underlying implication of rejection stung a little, made worse by how happy Tauriel was with Kíli the musician, Fíli’s younger brother. But she’d been rejected before, she got over it.

It wasn’t until mid-November, a month and a half later, that she realised something might be wrong with her. Sigrid had put the nausea and exhaustion down to a cold, something she easily could have picked up at work. It was common enough, especially at that time of year, and besides, it was easy to forget her own problems when constantly dealing with other people’s. But she was a nursing student, she liked to think of herself as good at what she did - and yet it took one of her colleagues complaining about cramps for her to realise she’d missed her last period.

She took five pregnancy tests to be absolutely sure – so she could know without a doubt – and sat on her bathroom floor, staring at those wretched little sticks like the result might somehow change if she willed it enough. It didn’t. Of course it didn’t. She was pregnant. _Pregnant._ And the father was some random guy she’d met at a party who hadn’t even bothered to call her after standing her up. How was she going to tell her Da? He and her mother had had her young and he’d never made a secret of how much of a struggle it had been, raising a child so young, with so little money.

Sigrid had six months left until she graduated. She worked part-time at the hospital. She lived in a tiny one-bedroom flat and even that she could barely afford. She had savings – some money her grandparents had left her – but she’d always been adamant she wasn’t going to touch that, not until she was older. She couldn’t afford to have a child, not on her own.

She fumbled with her phone, texting the only person she could talk to about this.

_Sooooo I’m pregnant. What the hell am I supposed to do, T?_

Tauriel replied almost instantly. _Holy shit! You’re sure?_

_Did 5 tests. All positive. Guess they were right about condoms not being 100% effective…_

_Fuck._ Tauriel messaged her a moment later. _I’m at work but I can get off early. I’ll bring ice-cream._

Half an hour later she was still sat on her bathroom floor, pregnancy tests spread out in front of her, but Tauriel was sat with her. She leaned her head on the taller girl’s shoulder, sighing heavily. Not saying anything, Tauriel just handed her a spoon and they passed a tub of chocolate fudge ice-cream back and forth. She didn’t cry, not yet. That was bound to happen later, when the real reality of it all set in. For the time being, she was in shock. She’d seen it a hundred times in patients but had no clue what to do about it herself.  

“When?” Tauriel asked her eventually. “I mean, have you been seeing someone or -”

“It was just a one-time thing.” Sigrid sighed, shoving a spoonful of ice-cream into her mouth. “That night we were supposed to meet up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tauriel didn’t sound annoyed that she hadn’t told her, considering she told Sigrid every little thing that happened to her, which was a relief.

“He stood me up and never called again. I was embarrassed. And he, um… he’s Kíli’s brother.”

“What? _Fíli?_ ” Tauriel spluttered, her mouth fallen open in shock. “Oh my god, Sigrid! Are you going to tell him?”

Sigrid frowned, she didn’t know the answer. She had no idea what she was going to do. The chances of him wanting anything to do with it – when he hadn’t been interested enough to call – were slim, but she didn’t like the thought of not telling him – especially not when she was bound to run into him again if Tauriel continued to date his brother. How would that conversation go? _Remember me? We slept together once and oh, by the way I’m pregnant with your child. Toodle-oo then._ No, he needed to know. She just really, _really_ didn’t want to have to tell him.

“Fuck, I don’t know.” She sighed. “Do you have his number? I was mad and I, uh, kind of deleted it from my phone.”

“No, but I can get it off Kíli if you want.” Tauriel offered, pulling out her phone. Sigrid could only nod, watching as her friend typed out a message. The reply came back quickly. Far too quickly for her liking. She stared down at the message, at the phone number, and dragged in a shaky breath. Tauriel glanced at her, eyes soft and sympathetic. “Do you want me to call him for you?”

“And how would that conversation go?” She joked weakly, a lump forming in her throat. “No… I have to do it myself. But not today…”

Tauriel nodded and put her phone away. She got to her feet and held her hand out for Sigrid.

“C’mon,” she said and hauled Sigrid to her feet. “We can deal with this tomorrow. For now, I’m going to order some pizza and we’re going to watch tv in bed. I’m pretty sure there’s a Project Runway marathon going on. That’ll take your mind off of it.”

Sigrid ended up bawling her eyes out over pizza, wrapped up in a duvet cacoon. Tauriel stayed with her all night, rubbing her back, letting her cry it out. She tried not to think about it but it just wasn’t possible. She’d always imagined having kids one day – but that was _one day_ in a bright, happy future where she was happily married and had a career – not _right now._ Not at twenty three. She could get rid of it; she knew people who had done that before – except she thought of her mother and her Catholic upbringing and felt sick to her stomach thinking she might somehow disappoint her.

There was always adoption; there were nice people who wanted kids and couldn’t have them themselves, but that meant being pregnant and having a baby and telling people – that meant telling her _father._

God, she was so fucked.

 

* * *

 

In the end, she called Fíli the next day. She arranged to meet up with him on her lunch break.

He must’ve known, or at least suspected, what she wanted to talk to him about – why else would she track him down, unless he thought she was crazy or couldn’t take a hint. He arrived at the coffee shop across from her hospital first; she spied him through the big French windows as she crossed the street. He looked a little differently than she remembered; his hair was longer, tied back in a small bun, and he was wearing a pair of dirty overalls. He was just as good-looking as she remembered though.

Fíli jumped to his feet when he spotted her enter the café, looking just about as awkward as she felt. She didn’t know whether to shake his hand or hug him, so she just smiled politely and sat down on the empty chair across from him.

“It’s good to see you again, Sigrid. You – uh – look nice.”

She glanced down at her bright pink scrubs and smiled weakly. “Thanks.”

“I ordered you some tea,” Fíli said. “I remembered you saying you didn’t like coffee, but I wasn’t sure what you wanted so -”

“Thank you. That was sweet of you...” She gently cut in, wrapping her numb fingers around the mug. She hadn’t come here to make small talk. She only had ten minutes before she needed to get back to work – she’d wasted too much of her time in the bathroom, throwing up the muesli bar she’d eaten between shifts – so she needed to get to the point. But she had no idea how. Or where to start. She glanced at Fíli, hoping he might be able to figure it out without her have to spell it out for him. No such luck. He fidgeted in his seat, grimacing.

“I’m sorry for – you have to understand, I -” He began to say, but she waved her hand, not wanting to hear it.

“It’s fine. I get it. But that’s not… that’s not why I called you.” _Deep breaths, Sigrid. Deep breaths._ It was like ripping off a plaster. Best not to draw it out. She dragged in a deep breath and forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’m pregnant.”

There was a moment of silence, then –

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” She ran her finger around the rim of her mug, watching him carefully.

“Fuck.” He eventually breathed, then glanced at her and winced. “Sorry -”

“It’s okay to freak out. I did too.” She murmured, sipping her tea. “I mean, I’m still freaking out but…”

“D’you know what you’re going to do?” Fíli asked and she sighed despairingly. Wasn’t that the million dollar question?

“Honestly, I have no idea.” She admitted, lowering her tea to rub her aching temples. Fíli nodded seemingly in understanding. There was no sign of anger or disappointment to be found in his expression, something she found overwhelmingly relieving. A stupid part of her had actually expected him to blame her somehow. “I’m trying to figure it out but I just don’t know… I have no bloody clue what I’m supposed to do.”

“Whatever you decide, I’ll be there - if that’s alright with you. Y’know, if you need money, or someone to take you to doctor’s appointments, or… just… whatever you need, I’d like to be there for you. And the baby.” Fíli said, sounding sincere. She hadn’t expected that. In all the possible scenarios she’d imagined, she’d been alone. Things would certainly be easier if he was in the picture, no less terrifying, but not impossible… It gave her something – a whole lot of something – to think about.

“Thank you.” She murmured, not quite sure what else to say. Fíli’s lips twitched in what she imagined was supposed to be a comforting smile. She didn’t have it in her to return it. She finished what was left of her tea and glanced at her watch. “I have to go back to work now, but here, I’ll leave you my details. I have my first doctor’s appointment on Thursday, if you like, you can come with me.”

“I have to work on Thursday. I can ask for the day off, but I’m not sure if -”

“No, that’s okay. Um, why don’t you come over to mine once you’ve finished work? I can tell you how it went.”

“Sure.” Fíli said, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll be there, I promise.”

Sigrid left him all her number and address, and he gave her his details in return, including someone called Thorin, who he said was his best emergency contact. She didn’t know what to say to him – not when she was so uncertain about what to do – and so she left as quickly as she could. She looked back as she waited to cross the road and saw that he was still sitting there, with his head in his hands. She tore her gaze away, ignored the lump forming in her throat, and went back to work.

 

* * *

 

Thursday arrived faster than she would’ve liked. It was easy to forget what was going on when she was busy, with only the near-constant nausea as a reminder.

Tauriel – bless her – did all the things she wasn’t ready to do, like researching abortion clinics and adoption, and picking up brochures. Tauriel had been the one asking questions at the ultrasound, while Sigrid just stared at the screen, terrified. She ended up sat on her bed, the picture of the ultrasound on the kitchen table, staring into space for a long time before there was a knock on the door. There was a half-eaten bag of crisps on the bed beside her, she brought it with her when she went to answer the door.

Fíli was dressed nicer than she’d expected. She’d expected him to come over in his overalls. He was wearing the same jacket he’d been wearing at the party with a blue shirt and a pair of tight-fitting jeans. She suddenly felt underdressed, in her own flat of all places, in one of Bain’s old hoodies and sweatpants. Fíli had flowers, she noticed when she stepped aside to let him in. Yellow tulips with a pretty bow tied around the stems.

“Hey,” he said. “These – uh – these are for you.”

She took the flowers with a small, slightly bewildered smile. “Thank you. They’re lovely.”

“How are you feeling – truly?” He asked, following her into the kitchen.

She didn’t have a vase; she had to put the flowers in a glass tumbler. If it looked silly, Fíli didn’t comment on it.

“Overwhelmed.” She admitted, gesturing towards the picture on the table. “Do you want something to eat? Something to drink?” She asked and he shook his head. She put the kettle on for the sake of it and when she turned around, he was staring down at the picture of the ultrasound. “I didn’t get to hear its heartbeat. But the doctor said it had one, a good strong heartbeat…”

“It?” He echoed quietly, tearing his gaze away from the photo to look at her. “They didn’t tell you if it was a boy or a girl?”

“It’s too early to tell.” She murmured. She leaned against the counter, eating crisps distractedly, while she waited for the kettle to boil. Fíli’s attention returned to the ultrasound, his expression difficult to read. “Um, so, Tauriel said you work with Kíli. What do you do?”

“I’m a mechanic.” That explained the overalls. “And you? You’re a nurse, right?”

“That’s the plan. I’ll be done with school in a couple of months.” Or at least, that had been the plan. She didn’t know how a baby fit in with all of it. She chewed on her lip, searching for something to say. “Do you like it? Being a mechanic, I mean?”

“Sure.” Fíli shrugged. “I mean, the pay isn’t great, but I like working with cars. It suits my purposes for now.”

She hummed thoughtfully. The _for now_ part was somewhat ominous. “Did you grow up around here?”

“Next town over. Erebor. Lived there as a kid, but my family moved to London when I was fifteen.”

“That explains your love for the Erebor Ravens.” She smiled, remembering their conversation at the party.

“And you?” Fíli asked, still not looking up from the photograph. “You from around here as well?”

“Yeah, well - sort of, I’m from Lake-town. I moved to Dale a couple of years ago, for school.” _Never been anywhere else,_ was the more honest – more pathetic answer – one which she kept to herself. She turned away when she heard the kettle click, pouring herself a cup of tea. Fíli was still holding the picture of the ultrasound when she sat down at the table. It had been strange at the doctor’s, nothing like what she’d expected. She hadn’t been able to see anything on the monitor, not even when the doctor pointed it out. Sigrid glanced at the sonogram, lips twisting in thought. “You can keep it, if you like.”

“Really? You sure?” He frowned, his gaze finally flickering to her face.

“Honestly… I don’t even know what I’m looking at.” She admitted, frowning down at her tea. “So yeah, go ahead.”

“It’s the little jellybean.” Fíli suddenly said, catching her off-guard.

She blinked, confused. “What?”

“Here,” Fíli said and slid the sonogram across the table. He leaned across the table, suddenly a lot closer to her than she’d expected. His eyes seemed even bluer than she remembered up close, framed by long lashes tipped with gold. Suddenly she pictured a child with those eyes and she gulped. He didn’t seem to notice, smiling slightly as he pointed at a small peanut-shaped blob. “It kind of looks like a jellybean, right?”

Her lip trembled. She saw it. She finally saw it. That made it real.

Sigrid’s hands started shaking, sloshing hot tea onto herself and the table. That was the only warning she got before the floodgates opened. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she drew in a shuddering breath. She ducked her head, trying to hide her tears, but it wasn’t long before her quiet tears grew to loud, uncontrollable sobs. She felt Fíli’s hands gently cover her own, carefully prying her mug from her grasp. He set it down on the table and took her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs comfortingly across her knuckles.

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” She sobbed and clutched onto his hands for dear life. “I mean, this is real, right? This is all really happening… Oh god. Oh _god._ What am I going to do? I can’t just ignore it and hope it’ll go away. I have to decide – but how am I supposed to choose – how do I make this massive choice when – when – shit, I’m sorry – I’m so sorry -”

“Hey, hey, it’ll be okay – we’ll figure something out -”

“Will we?” She lifted her head, sniffling pathetically. “How do you know?”

“I… I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here, alright? I’ll be here no matter what you decide.” Fíli swore, lifting her hands to his lips. The gesture startled her; she would have drawn back if not for the sudden tightening of his grip. He clutched onto her hands, his expression serious. “Whatever happens, you don’t have to do this on your own.”

“How can I believe that? You’re just some guy I met at a party, who couldn’t even be bothered to call me afterwards -” He was supposed to walk away. That was the story she’d heard all her life – get knocked up young, expect to be in it alone. The guy wasn’t supposed to stick around. “You should be running for the hills.”

“I’m not that guy, okay?” Fíli’s eyes hardened, like she’d touched on a nerve. “That’s not who I am.”

Trust. That was what he was asking of her. But Sigrid had never been very trusting, she’d always been too much like her father in that respect. It took her a long time to trust people outside of her family, so how was she supposed to have faith in him, a man she barely knew? It was like taking a step and not knowing what her foot was going to land on. But… but then there was the way he had looked at the sonogram – at their little jellybean – with wide eyes and a faint smile tugging at his lips - _that_ was something.

“Okay,” she finally sighed. “We’ll… figure it out.”

 

* * *

 

December rolled around, bringing with it a sea of holiday cheer.

It was everywhere - the streets were lit up at night with lights and decorations, cheap tinsel was strewn around campus, and carollers were knocking on her door every other night. What was usually her favourite time of year was inexplicably inescapable and exhausting.

The unusually high amount of snowfall promised a white, picturesque Christmas Sigrid didn’t know if she was in the right spirits for.

She stood at the garden gate of her family home, hesitating, with her gloved hands gripped tightly onto the rusted iron. The front garden hidden under a thick blanket of snow and there was a snowman looking at her. It had Tilda’s glittery hat from her tap-dancing classes and one of Thranduil’s fancy scarves was wrapped around its neck. Its coal-black button eyes seemed to judge her.

She wasn’t ready to go inside – not when she wasn’t sure what she was walking in to – but it was now or never. Thranduil had taken Bain and Tilda out for hot chocolate and they wouldn’t be gone forever. Gathering her courage, she pushed the garden gate open and trudged up the path. The door was unlocked and she stepped inside, sighing as she shrugged off her thick coat. The house was warm and cosy, but she was immediately hit by the smell of whatever was in the oven, making her stomach churn uncomfortably.

Sigrid wandered into the kitchen and found her father sat at the table, frowning down at two steaming cups of tea. Bard wasn’t an idiot; he would have known there was something wrong the moment she asked to speak to him alone. She hesitated in the doorway, fiddling with her gloves. _He knows he knows he knows,_ she thought when he lifted his gaze, eyes squinted and his brow etched in concern.

“Merry Christmas?” She attempted weakly, tugging her gloves off. Bard gave her a strained smile and patted the seat beside him.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Bard asked the moment she sat down, evidently not in the mood for beating around the bush. She closed her eyes, fighting against a wave of nausea. “Sigrid, love, I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

She hesitated, feeling the brief few seconds of bravery that got her passed the garden gate fade away.

“The traffic getting out of town was dreadful, I guess most people are going away for the weekend.” She said, rambling. “Think there’s some sort of winter festival in the next town over, I heard a couple of girls from class talking about it… Said there was an enchanted forest or something… Sounds nice…”

Bard frowned. “Sigrid, you said there was something we needed to talk about. Something serious enough that Bain and Tilda couldn’t be here. Please – whatever it is – just tell me what it is before I imagine the worst. I’ve been worried sick all morning.”

“I know, Da, I know… it’s just – I don’t – please don’t be angry.” She couldn’t look at him, his concern was heartbreaking. Sigrid had always been the responsible one for a reason; a part of her had never wanted to make him worry even more than he already did. But most of all, she couldn’t bear the idea of disappointing him. “There’s… there’s something you need to know.”

“Is it your course?” Bard ventured a guess. “Are you struggling to keep your grades up?”

“No… my grades are fine. It’s nothing to do with that.” _Please don’t make me say it, please please please –_

Bard’s expression somehow grew even grimmer. “Is it… is it a lad?”

“I… well, yes - in a sense?”

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you’d found yourself a nice boyfriend, would we?” Bard sighed and rubbed his temples. There were the first few hints of grey hair around his temples, something she had never noticed before. She feared her news would only give him more. “No, of course we wouldn’t - you wouldn’t be this upset about something like that. So that means… that means…”

Her lower lip trembled traitorously. “It means I’m pregnant, Da.”

_This is it. He’s going to throw me out, I’m never going to see my family again, merry fucking Christmas to me –_

“Is this something you want?” Bard eventually asked, his expression more weary than angry. “Or was it… unexpected?”

“I didn’t plan for this,” she admitted. “It just… happened.”

“And the father? Is he – is he in the picture?”

“Yes.” She said, but she hesitated. She still didn’t really know the answer. Fíli swore that he would be there for her, and as much as she wanted to believe him, she was finding it difficult. “He says he’ll support me, whatever I decide to do.”

“I’ll admit, I never expected this. Not from you. You’ve always been so responsible – so determined to avoid making the same mistakes your mother and I did – I never thought we’d be having this conversation.” Bard sighed and shook his head, but he reached out and placed his hand over hers. “But… I’m not angry or disappointed, if that’s what you’re worried about. I will support you, no matter what you decide to do.”

“That’s just it, Da. I don’t know what to do.” She sighed, blinking hard against the threat of tears. “I don’t think I want to get rid of it – I keep thinking about Mum, she was Catholic – she wouldn’t want me to. She’s gone – and I know it’s stupid – but I -”

“No, you mustn’t think like that.” Bard said, squeezing her hand. “You’ve got to think about what’s best for you.”

It happened all the time; girls got pregnant and had an abortion and went on and lived happy lives. She knew that, and yet, for some reason, she thought of Hilda Bianca’s niece. Penny had had an abortion just after they’d finished school. She was happy now, working at some fancy restaurant in London, but the last time Sigrid had seen her she’d said she regretted it sometimes and wondered what might have happened if she had made a different choice. Sigrid didn’t want to live with those kinds of regrets and _what ifs_. A child was a life-long commitment and adoption couldn’t be easy, but those were choices she wouldn’t regret – right?

Sigrid startled at the sound of the front door opening. Bard squeezed her hand and smiled sadly, suddenly looking much older than he was. He looked so different from the happy man she’d seen only a few weeks ago and it hurt, knowing she’d been the one to do that to him. She excused herself quietly and slipped out of the kitchen, grabbing a coat and stepping into the back garden before anyone could spot her. She settled onto one of the chairs, zipping the coat up to her neck, and pulled out her phone. She needed to call Fíli.

Fíli answered on the third ring, sounding breathless.

“Sigrid? Hey. Is everything alright?” Fíli asked before she had even had the chance to say ‘hello’. She told herself not to be surprised; she hadn’t contacted him, aside from a few texts, since his visit, so his concern wasn’t entirely unjustified.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” She said. “How… how are you? I haven’t caught you at a bad time, have I?”

“No, of course not. I’m fine, not doing much really, just waiting on a friend.”

“Oh?” She replied, oddly curious. “Do you have plans?”

“Not really. I’m picking up my friend. Been waiting ages, actually.”

“Are you picking your friend up from the train station?” She wasn’t sure why she cared – or why she was asking so many questions – especially when she had called him for a specific purpose. And it wasn’t as though she had all the time in the world, it was cold and eventually someone would find her and wonder what she was doing outside. And she needed to tell him, sooner rather than later.

Fíli hesitated. “Uh, yeah. Yeah. From the station.”

“So, um… I’ve been thinking. I don’t… I don’t think I’m going to get rid of it. The – uh – baby, I mean.” She said, lowering her voice. “I just… I don’t think that’s the right choice for me. I’m sorry, if that’s not what you wanted to hear. If you want to walk away, I get it -”

“I already told you, I’m not going to walk away.” Fíli cut in, sounding frustrated, but not at her. “So you’re going to keep it?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged even though he couldn’t see it. “There’s always adoption. It’s a good thing to do, right? There’s nice people out there who can’t have kids… I know a couple who have been trying to adopt for _years_.”

Fíli was quiet for a moment.

“I’m having dinner with Kíli tomorrow, in Erebor. I know it’s short notice, but can you come? It’ll be better to talk in person and well, Kíli’s dying to meet you. He’s my brother so it’s important that you two meet.” He eventually said, surprising her. She could hear noise in the background – what sounded like a car door opening and closing – and assumed his friend had arrived. “Listen, I’ve got to go now. Sorry. Just – uh – text me or something if you’re coming tomorrow. I’ll send you the address, alright? It’s at -”

The line abruptly went dead and she frowned, drawing her phone away from her ear to glance down at the screen.

After a moment, she sighed and typed out a message to him.

_I’ll be there. See you tomorrow._

* * *

 

The address Fíli gave her was for an old stone townhouse in the posher part of Erebor. She’d never spent much time in that part of the city, it was where most of the doctors and the richer students in her course lived. She checked the address twice to be sure, but she wasn’t mistaken, she was in the right place.

Erebor was a nice town, only about twenty minutes’ drive away; it was old and with a rich, bloody history Bain had found fascinating as a kid, and it wasn’t that much smaller than Dale. There was a store in the town centre that sold fudge her mother had liked. She’d not been there in years…

Sigrid sat in her car on the street in front of Fíli’s place, fingers drumming restlessly against the steering wheel, wondering what the hell she was doing there.

A knock at the car window made her nearly jump out of her skin.

A guy – her age, maybe a little older – with a mop of dark messy hair and a bright, beaming smile waved at her and gestured for her to wind down the window. It was Kíli, she realised after a beat. She recognised him from the photo Tauriel had sent her the week before. When she opened the door, she finally understood what Tauriel meant when she said he kind of looked like a puppy.

“Sigrid!” Kíli exclaimed in a sing-song voice. “Good to meet you! You been out here long?”

“Uh, no.” She lied and unbuckled her seatbelt. “Not really.”

“Good, good. C’mon then.” Kíli threw his arm around her shoulders when she climbed out of the car, catching her off-guard and making her stumble. Tauriel had warned her about how excitable and affection he was, something which seemed to delight her friend to no end. “Hope you’re hungry. Fíli’s making fettuccini alfredo – which is his fancy way of saying ‘cheesy pasta with a bit of garlic bread’.”

Kíli pushed open the tall garden gate, babbling away about Fíli’s cooking prowess. She was only half listening. There was a cobblestone path leading up to the house and hidden from the view of the street, behind the high stone walls, was a garden she imagined was beautiful in the summertime. She looked up at the house, frowning. It didn’t look like the sort of place two young mechanics could afford.

“Nice place.” She murmured when Kíli threw open the front door. And it was.

“Thanks,” Kíli grinned. “It was our mum’s. She used to be really into all that… home renovating stuff.

“‘Was?” She echoed, watching his expression carefully. Fíli never talked about his parents, only Kíli and his uncle… she wondered if –

“Oh!” Kíli glanced across at her and laughed. “She’s not dead, if that’s what you’re thinking. Nah, she’s still alive and kicking, living over in Switzerland. Has been for a couple of years. She likes the weather more over there. This was where we lived before we moved to London, Mum rented it out for a bit but the tenants drove her up the wall. So we live here now. At least for now, y’know?”

_For now._ Who would have thought two such little words could be so terrifying?

“We’ll give you the tour later. Food’s more important now, eh?” Kíli winked, tightening his grip on her shoulders as he half-dragged her through the house and to the kitchen. In the hallway, there were pictures all over of the walls. There were dozens of photos of what looked like a young Fíli and Kíli, with a dark-haired woman who she guessed was their mother, and a man with a strong brow and long hair, who looked too much like Kíli and the woman to be their father. He had to be their uncle. The mysterious Uncle Thorin.

“Y’know, you’re a lot prettier than I thought you’d be. Didn’t think Fee had it in him. Least that means I’ll have a half-way decent looking niece or nephew.”  Kíli teased – or at least, she hoped he was only teasing – and then his words hit her. Like a snowball to the face.

“Wait. What?” She spluttered, stumbling over her own feet. “You – you _know?”_

Kíli snorted. “’Course I know. Fee would never keep a secret from me.”

It wasn’t a big deal, she told herself as they walked into the kitchen. Everyone was going to find out eventually. Bain and Tilda. Thranduil. The rest of Fíli’s family. The people on her course. Her co-workers. Her _friends_. Everyone would know. And what lovely things they would all say. _Unmarried. Knocked up. So much for being responsible._ Bain and Tilda would have a niece or nephew they’d probably never get to meet. Kíli too… Sigrid didn’t have any aunts or uncles. Her child would. And if she gave it up for adoption, it would never know -

“Hey.” Fíli smiled when he saw her, leaning against the kitchen counter while water bubbled in a pot beside him. He looked good, dressed in jeans and a navy spotted shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and he’d had a haircut. His hair was probably too short to be tied back now. A part of her – which she staunchly ignored – felt a pang of disappointment. She’d liked it, she’d wanted to run her fingers through it. Another part of her – which she ignored just as determinedly – wondered if he’d smartened up for her, or if it was for the friend he’d picked up the day before. “How are you?”

“Oh – um, fine, thanks.” She answered automatically, mustering a polite smile. “How about you?”

“I’m good, thank you. How was the drive? You find the place alright?”

Kíli rolled his eyes. “Stop acting like you’re talking to a customer.”

“It’s called being polite, Kíli.” Fíli muttered, shooting his brother a dark look. “Not that you’d know anything ‘bout that.”

“Do you need any help with anything?” She asked, glancing at the pot of boiling water that was threatening to overflow.

“Nah, he’s good.” Kíli answered for his brother. His arm was still slung around Sigrid’s shoulders, he used it to drag her in the direction of the living room. He patted one of the sofas before finally releasing her. “You sit here, make yourself at home, and I’ll get you something to drink. You want beer? Wine? Juice? I think there’s a couple of energy drinks in the fridge. Shit, you probably can’t drink any of those, eh?”

“Water’s fine, thanks.” She said, amused. “Do let me know if you need any help though.”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course.” Kíli said and wandered back into the kitchen, leaving her alone. Stood there by herself, she felt awkward, unsure what to do. If she was at a friend’s place for dinner, she’d kick off her shoes, whine about work, and talk about whatever tv show they were into at the time. If she was at Tauriel’s, she’d already be buried under a blanket with a tub of ice-cream by that point.

Feeling her phone buzz in her pocket, she pulled it out and glanced down at the screen.

_Hope Kíli isn’t being too weird,_ Tauriel said, _he’s super excited about meeting you I think. Kept asking me if you liked cake._

_Cake?_ She typed back. _What kind of cake?_

_No idea. He made a list. I think he made up half of them._

“Here you go!” Kíli exclaimed as he flounced back into the room, holding out a large glass of water with ice and a slice of lemon.

“Fancy.” She smiled, taking the glass. “Thank you. So, um… you said your mum lives in Switzerland? Have you ever been?”

“Oh, yeah! We used to go there all the time!” Kíli told her, looking excited. Her brows lifted in surprise, the image she had of Fíli in her head – of him being just a normal, working class, blue collar mechanic – was crumbling before her very eyes. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not yet. “We’d usually go at Christmas, y’know, snowboard, go sledding, pretend to be Julie Andrews, that sort of thing.”

“The Sound of Music is set in Austria, Kee.” Fíli called from the kitchen.

“You ever been?” Kíli asked, ignoring his brother.

“No, um – I’ve never actually left the country.” She was embarrassed to admit.

Kíli looked mildly surprised for a second, then he shrugged. “Well, I’m sure Fee will take you sometime. Mum will want to meet you.”

Unsure what to say, Sigrid just sipped her water. Kíli continued, not seeming to mind how one-sided their conversation had become. She was only half-listening, feeling somewhat dazed. Old insecurities, the same ones which still sprung up occasionally when she visited Thranduil’s estate or listened to Tauriel’s stories about her travels, crept back in, whispering in her ear how very small her life was compared to theirs. The furthest she’d ever been away from her hometown was Wales – and that had been for a wedding, when she was seven. She barely even remembered it.

She very nearly sighed in relief when Fíli called that dinner was ready.

Dinner was… nice. It went better than she had expected. Kíli did most of the talking, which helped to stop things from growing awkward. His tendency to get overexcited and use overly dramatic hand gestures was surprisingly endearing.

Fíli, she learned, was twenty six and Kíli was twenty four, only a year older than her. Neither of them had gone to university, didn’t plan to, and said _for now_ far more often she would have liked when she asked them about their work at the garage in Dale. Kíli talked about their mother a great deal, and their uncle Thorin as well, but never brought up their father. Sigrid suspected that was a topic for a different time.  Fíli remained reasonably quiet, occasionally shooting her warm looks she couldn’t quite decide if she was imagining or not. It really wasn’t fair, a smile like his – with those _dimples -_ should have been illegal.

Half-way through dinner though, Sigrid became acquainted with Kíli’s infamous lack of a filter – something Tauriel had warned her about and bemoaned on multiple occasions –

“So, what are you gonna call my niece or nephew?” Kíli asked.

She nearly choked on her water. “What?”

“Well, I was looking at our family tree earlier and it got me thinking. Are you gonna be traditional or think up something new? ‘Cause our family tends to stick with same names – or tries to make them rhyme – and I don’t know if my little niece or nephew deserves to be stuck with some stupid name all for the sake of tradition, y’know?” Kíli didn’t seem to notice her stunned silence and continued with a beaming grin. “I like names with meanings. Like _Maximus._ That’s a wicked name. Means greatness.”

“I… I hadn’t really thought about it.” Sigrid mumbled and took a sip of her water, looking anywhere but at Fíli and Kíli. She suddenly wasn’t very hungry. She didn’t know if she could stomach the rest of her pasta. There was a lump in her throat that hadn’t been there a minute ago. “I don’t really think I’ll have much choice when it comes to names, if the baby is adopted… So there’s that…”

“Hang on. You’re what? You’re thinking about putting it up for _adoption?”_ Kíli said _adoption_ like it was a bad word.

“It’s an option. Which we need to discuss…”

Kíli was staring at her like she’d grown a second head. “So you’re just gonna give the baby away?”

“It’s not like I _planned_ for this to happen… I need to consider all the options -”

“Fee, did you know about this?”

“Maybe this isn’t the time, Kíli.” Fíli quietly said, shooting his brother a look.

“What, so your kid’s going to grow up thinking you don’t give a shit about them? Raised by _strangers?_ Did she talk you into this?” Kíli jerked his chin in her direction and she set down her glass of water with a little more force than she’d expected, sloshing water over her hand and the tabletop. Fíli was glaring daggers at his brother, making a low rumbling sound in his chest, and the two seemed to silently communicate for a minute before Kíli sighed and looked back at her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s none of my business. I just… I never thought I’d never get to meet my little niece or nephew, y’know?”

Luckily, Kíli’s phone went off a moment later and he disappeared outside with a beaming grin on his face.

“It’s Tauriel.” Fíli explained. “He always gets that stupid look on his face when she calls.”

“She’s the same.” She hummed, not lifting her gaze from the table.

“I’m sorry about him, he shouldn’t have said that.” Fíli said, sounding sincere. “That’s for us to discuss, no one else.”

“I’ve been thinking about it. Adoption, I mean. It’s – it’s not like you don’t get a choice, Tauriel gave me this leaflet about open adoption. You get to meet the people, keep in contact – so it’s not like they’d be strangers.” She said, nervously fiddling with a button on her cardigan. Fíli was quiet, his expression difficult to read. “But it’s not like we have to decide everything _now._ We’ve got time…”

Sigrid left soon after that, using her early start in the morning as an excuse. Kíli gave her two pieces of cake wrapped up – one massive slab of chocolate cake and a slice of pecan pie. She didn’t have the heart to tell him she wasn’t a big cake lover, so she took the pieces of cake with a bright smile plastered on her face and Kíli ducked his head to kiss her on the cheek.

Fíli walked her to her car, promising to see her at her next doctor’s appointment. She managed to keep the fake smile plastered on her face until she got in her car. She drove for five minutes before she had to pull over, sagging against the steering wheel, and dragging in deep breaths to calm her racing heart.


	2. ii.

Whoever named it _morning_ sickness clearly had a cruel sense of humour.

Throughout the first couple of weeks, it had happened randomly, now just over two and a half months in, it was round-the-clock. Morning. Lunch. Afternoon. Evening. Randomly in the middle of the night. She was more familiar with her bathroom floor than she had any right to be. One night, she woke up in the early hours of the morning, curled up on the cold tile floor. She lay a couple of towels down on the ground after that, just in case. Tauriel – as a joke – suggested moving her tv into the bathroom considering how much she spent in there. It said a lot about her situation that Sigrid was actually considering it.

After four days straight of what felt like non-stop vomiting, Sigrid took the day off work and remained in bed, wrapped up in her duvet like a burrito.  Sometime after noon – after attempting to eat a piece of toast and ending up rushing to the bathroom not long afterwards – her phone vibrated on the bedside table.

It was a message from Tauriel.

_Don’t be mad. I only did it cause I’m worried about you._

_What did you do, T?_

_Weeell I may have told you-know-who that you’re not feeling so hot. He asked how you were doing and I didn’t want to lie! Sorry!_

A moment later, her phone vibrated again. She groaned, seeing Fíli’s name pop up on the screen.

_Tauriel said you aren’t feeling well. Is everything okay? Do you need me to get you something or take you to the doctor? I’m at work right now but I can leave early. Whatever you need, I’m here okay? Please don’t hesitate to call - Fíli._

_I’m fine. You don’t need to worry or get me anything, it’s just a bad bout of morning sickness. Thanks though._ The message felt cold, impersonal, so she threw in a couple of smiley faces and hoped it would suffice.

There was a pause and then –

_I finish work at five today. Do you mind if I swing by to see if you’re okay? I can bring pizza. Pepperoni, right?_

“Dammit, Tauriel.” She muttered, wondering just how much her friend had told him about her.

_You really don’t have to. I’m totally fine. Please don’t feel like you need to._

_I want to. So I’ll see you later then?_

_Yeah._ She typed back, fighting a smile. _See you later._

She fell back into bed with a groan, the room swirling and spinning around her. It had been over a week since she’d last seen him and she was nervous. There was still some pecan pie in her fridge. She’d eaten the chocolate cake in tears when she had got home from dinner with Fíli and Kíli. There were things she wanted to ask him – things which had been brought on by the strange conversation she had had with Bain and Tilda.

Telling them hadn’t been as difficult as telling her father but she’d still walked into the house feeling like she was going in front of a firing squad. They were her little brother and sister, she knew they’d always have her side, but she still cared about what they thought.

Tilda had been sat on the floor in the living room, pretending she was studying, but was actually flicking through wedding magazines. Bain had been playing some game on his phone, which he put down immediately when he noticed her awkwardly stood behind the couch, wringing her hands anxiously.

“Everything okay?” Bain had asked.

“There’s, um, actually something I need to tell you guys. I don’t… I don’t really know where to start.” She’d said and Tilda had looked up from her magazine with raised brows. Bain had looked worried, while Tilda had grinned, expecting good news. Sigrid still wasn’t sure which it was, whether her pregnancy was good news or bad news... “I’m – uh – pregnant.”

Tilda had sat up in a hurry, her books and magazine tumbling off her lap. “Since when?”

“Since - I don’t know – two and half months ago?”

“And you didn’t tell us sooner? How long have you known?”

“Not long. A couple of weeks.”

 _“A couple of weeks?”_ Both Bain and Tilda had echoed back at her in disbelief.

“Oh my god, so are you getting married?” Tilda had then asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

Sigrid had frowned, the question catching her off-guard. “No…?”

Both her siblings had frowned then as well. Bain had looked mad, while Tilda just looked confused.

“Why not?” Tilda had asked, tilting her head to one side. “You get pregnant. You get married. That’s how it works, right?”

Sigrid threw her pillow over her head and closed her eyes, humming to drown out all the noise in her head. Pregnant women were supposed to keep calm, weren’t they? That sounded like something she’d say to a patient, something she’d insist on, but something she couldn’t quite manage herself. In the end, she watched Gilmore Girls for a three hours until she finally dragged herself out of bed and into the shower.

After washing and drying her hair, Sigrid dumped the pyjamas she’d been wearing for three days straight into the laundry basket and pulled on some clean clothes. It was stupid – but after seeing Fíli’s place, she felt embarrassed about her dingy little flat. She tidied up the best she could, put all the mugs and cups lying around her room and living room away, and gave the bathroom a quick clean. The yellow tulips Fíli had given her were wilted in a tall glass on the kitchen counter; she felt something like regret twist in her stomach when she threw them away.

Just before six, there was a knock at the front door.

“It’s open!” She yelled from the bathroom, quickly washing her mouth out with mouthwash. Fíli was stood in the kitchen when she stepped out of the bathroom, in his work overalls with pizza and ice-cream, just like he’d promised. She grinned. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He grinned back. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better.” That wasn’t exactly true. The cheesy smell of the pizza was making her feel a bit queasy, but he didn’t need to know that. “How was work?”

“Fine,” he shrugged. “It was kind of a slow day. Had lunch with Kee and Tauriel though, that was nice.”

“Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee?”

“I’m alright, thanks. But speaking of which, I have some things for you. My mum said it should help with morning sickness.” Fíli said and set down the pizza box to pick a plastic bag off of the floor that she hadn’t noticed before. “She said ginger was good, but all I could find was ginger ale. There’s a couple more things in there, I don’t know how effective they’ll be, but the pharmacist said they might help…”

She took the bag from him with a smile, touched by the unexpected gesture.

They ended up on the couch eventually with the box of pizza sat between them. The tv quietly played in the background. It was some cheesy action movie she’d seen a couple of times before. The sort of movie Bain lived for. Neither of them paid much attention to it. It was strange – the ease of it all. It made her wonder what might have happened, if he had turned up for their date and she hadn’t wound up pregnant.

“So you told your mum?” She asked, taking a slice of pizza from the box – pepperoni, her favourite. She wondered if Tauriel had told him that too.

“Yeah. I told her last week.”

“What did she say?” She tried – and probably failed – to sound like she didn’t care what his mother thought of their whole situation.

“She’s always had this sort of sixth sense when something is going on, so I think she was – uh - a little relieved that it wasn’t something bad. Usually when I call her out of the blue, it’s about something stupid Kee did.” Fíli said, smiling sheepishly. “She was mostly just surprised. If anyone is going to freak out, it’s my uncle. Thorin… well, he’s a little dramatic. Kíli gets it from him, I reckon.”

“I told my brother and sister as well.”

Fíli raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? How’d they take it?”

“Alright, I suppose.” She said, shrugging. Her lips twisted ruefully, thinking about the disapproving look on Bain’s face when she’d told him she wasn’t planning on marrying Fíli. “Better than I expected. The shock just needs to wear off, I think… I know it’s probably still too early to tell people, but we’ve never kept secrets from each other. It didn’t feel right to start now…”

“Your siblings, are they older or younger than you?”

“Both younger. Bain is seventeen and Tilda will be thirteen in January.”

Fíli’s lips twitched into a small smile. “I’d like to meet them some time.”

Sigrid had never brought anyone home to meet her family. It seemed like such a serious step, and her past relationships had been anything but serious. Before tonight, the idea of introducing Fíli to them hadn’t even crossed her mind. But he had introduced her to his brother and told his mother about the baby… it made her wonder if maybe she owed him the same.

“I’d like that,” she eventually decided. “Maybe… maybe after Christmas you can.”

Fíli grinned, setting off those adorable dimples.

“Talking to my mum, it made me realise… there’s so much I don’t know about you.” He said sometime later, when the pizza was gone and a new movie was just starting. “She asked me all these questions and I had no idea how to answer.”

“So…” She smiled slightly, an idea popping into her head. “Twenty questions?”

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Favourite food?”

Sigrid laughed and gestured towards the pizza box. “Pepperoni pizza. Without a doubt. What about… least favourite?”

“Apples.” Fíli’s nose wrinkled and he made a noise of disgust. “I lost a bet to Kee once when we were kids and I had to eat nothing but apples for an entire week. Never again.” He shuddered and she had to press her lips together to stop herself from laughing. “Uh, what’s your favourite colour?”

“Blue.” That was an easy one.

“Me too.” Fíli grinned slowly at her. “Middle name?”

“Grace. It was my grandmother’s name. What about you?”

“Don’t have one. My mum always says she forgot to give me one. Let’s see… what about… place you want to visit most in the world?”

“That’s a tough one… I’ve never travelled so anywhere, really. Maybe Paris, just to see what all the fuss is about.”

“I’ve always wanted to climb a mountain. I don’t mind which. The Matterhorn, maybe. That’s where my parents met…” Fíli admitted and then glanced at her with a thoughtful look on his face. “If you could choose, what would you want our baby to be? Y’know, a boy or a girl?”

 _Our baby._ Two such innocent little words sent a shiver down her spine. Whenever they discussed it, it was always _the baby_ or _it._ Never _our._ And that was exactly what it was. _Theirs._

“I… I don’t know.” She answered after a moment, stumbling over the words. She stared down at her hands as she twisted the ring on her index finger. “I haven’t… I haven’t really thought about it. Have you?”

“I always wanted a sister when I was little. So maybe a girl would be nice.” Fíli said and there was a sad note in his voice that broke her heart just a little bit. “But it doesn’t really matter, as long as the baby is healthy.” His arm was curled around the back of the sofa. It would be so easy just to shuffle over and lean into his side. “You and your family – are you close?”

She nearly sighed in relief at the change of topic. Talking about her family, that was safer water to tread.

That night’s pizza and ginger ale was the first proper meal she’d kept down in days. It was the happiest she’d felt all week. They stayed up most of the night, just talking, and swapping stories about the ridiculous things their siblings got up to. It was like the night they first met, minus the heinous amounts of alcohol. She fell asleep, curled up on the couch, to the sound of Fíli’s voice. She woke up the next morning in her bed, wrapped up in her blankets, alone, but with a note propped up against the lamp on her bedside table.

_Didn’t want to wake you. Hope you’re feeling better. See you soon, I hope. Fíli x._

* * *

 

Christmas was a quiet affair. With Thranduil and Tauriel in London with Legolas, it was just the four of them.

They didn’t talk about the elephant in the room.

Fíli called her from a party on Christmas Eve; she could barely hear him over the noise, but thought it was sweet that he had thought of her. They texted back and forth the next day, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, and Tilda shot her curious looks every time she smiled down at her phone.

Thranduil came back a couple of days after Christmas. Telling him was surprisingly more difficult than telling her father.

“ _This_ is what your father has been keeping from me?” Was the first thing her godfather said, swirling his glass of red wine with an exasperated expression. He looked out of place, as he always did, wearing an expensive, tailored suit in her family’s messy living room. The present he had given her sat untouched on her lap. She had wanted to give him the news before she opened it. “I’d assumed he was having second doubts. He has been awfully squirrelly lately. So, the father. Who is he? Assuming he’s involved.”

“He’s involved,” she told him with a weary sigh. Thranduil pursed his lips, not looking entirely convinced.

“This seems out of character for you. And what do you plan on doing?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I just know I’m not going to get rid of it. And the father’s on board, with… what whatever I decide.”

Thranduil cocked his brow. “Oh, and what does he do?”

“His name is Fíli, he’s a mechanic –”

Thranduil straightened suddenly, holding up his hand to stop her. “Fíli, did you say? Not Fíli Durin?”

“Yes. That’s him. Do you know him?” Sigrid frowned, she couldn’t imagine how Fíli and her godfather would know each other.

“The Durins and my family have a… colourful history.” Thranduil said vaguely, draining his glass of wine with one long sip. He set the glass down on the coffee table and reached over, placing his hand on her knee.  “Take it from me, they’re not a bunch you want to associate yourself with, Sigrid. They’re bad news. If it’s money you need, you need not depend on him. Whatever you need - you are my goddaughter, you know I will always take care of you.”

“But what does that mean? A ‘colourful’ history?” She asked, needing to know.

“It… it doesn’t matter. I’d like your word that you’ll stay away from those people. Trust me on this, it’s for the best.”

“Thranduil, I’ve always appreciated your advice. You know that. Your guidance has always been invaluable to me… but - I don’t know, this is different. I’m having a _baby_ and he’s the father. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to walk away, so I can’t walk away from him either – not without knowing the whole story. So unless you tell me _everything_ and give me a real reason, I’m not going to stay away.” Thranduil wasn’t exactly forthcoming after that, but his pursed lips and disapproving eyes told her all she needed to know on how exactly he felt about her decision.

She left home feeling even more confused than before.

 

* * *

 

“It’s _New Year’s Eve!”_ Tauriel burst through her front door shouting. “We’re going out!”

Sigrid groaned, regretting having ever given Tauriel her spare key. She glanced down at herself – slumped on the couch, still in her work scrubs, with a bowl of popcorn sat beside her – and then at Tauriel, who was all dressed up and looked _amazing._ Her bright red hair was curled and she was wearing a shimmery silver dress and heels that made her already enviously long legs look somehow even longer. Tauriel closed the door behind her and took in Sigrid’s expression with pursed lips.

“Nope, don’t give me that look. We’re going on whether you like it or not.”

“Tauriel, I’m tired and _pregnant._ The last thing I want to do is be the one sober person in the room tonight.”

“Oh really? And what are you going to do instead? _Alone._ On New Year’s Eve.”

Sigrid gestured towards the tv. “The Sopranos is on, I need to catch up.”

“The Sopranos ended like, eight years ago. I think you’ve had more than enough time to _catch up_ , Sig.”

“I’ve been up since _fifty thirty_ this morning. I don’t feel good. Please don’t make me do this, T.” She whined, but Tauriel was having none of it. Her friend stomped over, grabbed her by the arm, and hauled her to her feet. Sigrid groaned.

“You need this. _Trust me._ You’ll thank me later.”

She’d never been good at saying no to Tauriel. That was how she ended up being frogmarched into her bedroom and forced into some little black dress she couldn’t even remember buying. She drew the line at high heels though. After working all day, there was no way in hell she was putting on heels. She straightened her hair while Tauriel ran around her like the energizer bunny, dousing her in perfume and putting make-up on her.

“Fíli is going to be over the moon when he sees you.” Tauriel said as she applied the final touches on her make-out. The redhead met her gaze in the mirror and smirked. “It’s cute. He keeps asking about you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your baby daddy has a bit of a crush.”

“Oh God, don’t call him that.” Sigrid groaned. “And – Tauriel, please – _please_ don’t tell me he’s going to be there tonight. That’s the last thing I need.”

Tauriel grinned. “Did I not mention that?”

“No! You did not mention that! I really – _really –_ don’t want to see him tonight. It’ll be so awkward. Thranduil told me some things -”

“Don’t pay any attention to him.” Tauriel said, rolling her eyes, but remained as tight-lipped about the subject as Thranduil had been. Sigrid didn’t like being kept in the dark. Especially not about something like this. Whatever was going on between Fíli’s family and her godfather, she deserved to know.

They left the flat just after ten and, with a groan, Sigrid realised they were headed towards the one - and only - nightclub in Dale. A house party was one thing – at least there would be somewhere quiet for her to mope – but a club sounded like hell on earth. She’d been in an odd mood all day, moody one minute and close to tears the next, and she sure as hell doubted a club full of drunk people was going to help fix that.

The club was packed and in full-swing by the time they arrived.

She spotted a few girls from her course while Tauriel went to the bar to get drinks. She chatted with them for a bit. They were drunk and slurring and far friendlier towards her than they would’ve been sober. She talked to them until she spotted Tauriel waving her over to a big booth in the seated area of the club. As expected, there were a couple of other people already sat there. She didn’t recognise any of them except for Tauriel’s work friend, Feren.

Sigrid did her best not to grumble as she slid into the booth and sipped the coke Tauriel slid her way.

“Everyone, this is Sigrid. Sigrid, this is Ori.” Tauriel said, gesturing to a mousy looking guy about her age, who was wearing a knit cardigan. He waved – he was wearing fingerless gloves, bless him – and Sigrid smiled back politely. “Feren, who you know, obviously.”

“And I’m Bofur, pleasure to meet ya.” A man with an interesting taste in hats said, reaching across the table to shake her hand enthusiastically.

It probably shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to see Kíli rushing over to them. He swept Tauriel up in an enthusiastic hug before he spotted her over Tauriel’s shoulder. He murmured something that she couldn’t hear and Tauriel grinned.

“Told you I’d get her to come out.” She heard Tauriel tell Kíli, sounding smug.

“I never doubted you for a second, love.” Kíli said, kissing Tauriel’s cheek before he looked across the table at her, grinning. “Hey, Sigrid! It’s good to see you again. Fíli’s just at the bar. He’ll be back in a minute.”

Sigrid sighed internally. The noise and strobing lights were giving her a headache and she was _exhausted._ All she wanted was to be back on her couch, buried under a blanket, watching a movie, and _not_ have to see Fíli Durin. He was confusing and she was too tired to try to figure out what she felt about him. She glared daggers at the back of Tauriel’s head, downing what was left of her coke, while wishing it was something stronger.

Not particularly in the mood to talk to Tauriel or Kíli, Sigrid turned to Ori, who was sat next to her. He looked a little flustered at first, seemingly surprised that she had decided to talk to him. Ori was a little shy, but unfailingly polite. She learned that he was a librarian, studying to become a historian. He perked up a little when she told him what she was studying, as his grandmother had been a nurse.

“Yeh want to dance, lass?” Bofur leaned across the table and asked when Ori headed off in search of the toilets. She said yes because he seemed friendly and it would delay her running into Fíli. The dancefloor was crowded and whatever awkwardness she felt faded when Bofur laughed, “My partner _loves_ this song. Will never dance with me though, he says I’ve got two left feet.”

“Yeah? And where’s he tonight?” She leaned in close to ask.

“Eh, he’s workin’. The bastard.” Bofur replied.

Bofur was an interesting dancer, with two left feet, just like promised. He seemed to be versed in the same set of moves as her Da. Dad moves, to be specific. Not that she was any better. She’d never been particularly graceful, she’d given up on ballet after a single lesson. The dancing in her family was left to Tilda, the only one who was any good at it.

When the next song came on, some cheesy 80’s pop song, Bofur grabbed her hands and they spun each other around, giggling like children. The dancefloor was crowded, people had to jump out of the way of them. She stumbled when he spun her again, the room spinning. She closed her eyes with a quiet groan, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

“You had too much to drink, lass?” Bofur yelled over the noise.

“Something like that.” She muttered, rubbing her temples. The back of her neck prickled, like someone was watching her, but she brushed it off as nothing. “I think I might – I should probably go sit down for a bit.”

Bofur laughed and clapped her on the shoulder good-naturedly. “Alright, lass. Come find me if you want another dance, alright?”

“Will do.” She said and smiled weakly before she made her way across the dancefloor.

She was tired and still a little dizzy, she stumbled over her own feet as she walked back to the booth. A guy walking past, carrying a pint in each hand, laughed and told her to be more careful. She barely noticed. Fíli was there – _of course_ he was, she groaned internally – looking unfairly handsome in a dark grey shirt and dark jeans. Sigrid clasped her hands together to disguise the slight tremble in her fingers, walking up to the booth with great reluctance.

He smiled when he saw her. A wide, impossibly bright smile like he was actually happy to see her.

He started to get up when she got close to the booth and Kíli snorted loudly, turning his head to whisper something into Tauriel’s ear.

Sigrid felt the polite smile she’d somehow mustered up falter. She purposefully sat down next to Ori, instead of taking the empty space next to Fíli, and hugged her elbows. She hadn’t eaten anything besides popcorn and half a muesli bar since she had gotten home from work. That was probably the reason for the dizziness and lethargy. But it didn’t explain the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach she only got when Fíli was looking at her though.

The table was littered with empty shot glasses that hadn’t been there before she’d gone off to dance. She watched Kíli and Feren knocking back drinks like they were going out of fashion and shook her head despairingly. She didn’t envy the headache they’d both have in the morning.

“You look nice.” Fíli called over the noise, smiling hesitantly when she looked over at him.

“Thanks.” She smiled weakly in return. “So do you.”

“How was your Christmas?”

Kíli and Tauriel were looking at them both as they exchanged pleasantries, looking far too pleased with themselves than she would have liked. She wasn’t entirely sure what either of them were trying to do. Tauriel had been pushing her to let Fíli get more involved with every aspect of her pregnancy and had been singing his praises all week. And Kíli – she had no idea what he was up to, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know either.

Tauriel seemed to think they would be a good fit. Her and Fíli. That was something she had made quite clear over the past few weeks. But Sigrid wasn’t so sure. She had liked him when they first met, she had thought he was nice and handsome and he’d made her laugh, but then he had never called again. He hadn’t even bothered to text her. If she wasn’t pregnant, if she hadn’t asked to meet him that day, she likely never would have seen him again. And she would have been fine with that. He would have just been that guy she met at a house party once, who taught her that one night stands were never a good idea.

Sigrid frowned as her thoughts strayed to Thranduil’s warning. _Bad news,_ he’d called the Durin family. Her godfather could be dour and melodramatic but never would he purposefully lead her astray. There had to be a reason – a reason both he and Tauriel refused to tell her.

But the waters were muddled. It was complicated. Fíli wasn’t some sweetheart she was considering bringing home to meet the family, he was the father of her baby. He had chosen to stand by her, when he could very easily have run for the hills. He deserved the chance to explain himself but she was afraid she wouldn’t like the truth when she finally heard it.

“Do you want to dance?” Fíli asked and she blinked in surprise. She hadn’t expected that.

“Er – sure, okay.” She said, just to get away from Kíli and Tauriel – who were _still_ staring at them unabashedly.

For a moment, as she was standing up, it looked like he was going to take her hand. He started to reach for her but then changed his mind, awkwardly lowering his hand back to his side. She pretended she hadn’t noticed and led the way, needing to get out from under Kíli and Tauriel’s watchful gazes.

The song changed as they walked onto the crowded dancefloor. Because _of course_ it did. It shifted to something slower, some sappy love song that was dedicated to all the couple’s in the room. Sigrid slowed, looking at the couples around them who were wrapped up in each other’s arms, swaying to the slow melody.

Fíli smiled when she turned to face him, looking a little unsure of himself. It took a moment for him to reach for her, hesitating before he took one of her hands in his while the other slid around her to settle at the small of her back. Her hand was trembling, giving away her nerves. She clenched her fingers into a fist against his shoulder blades, hoping he would not notice.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d danced with someone like this. Prom, maybe? Or standing on her dad’s feet in the living room back home?

They were close, their bodies scarcely an inch apart, and she could feel the warmth radiating off of him. She’d never known anyone as warm as him. It took everything she had not to fall into his arms. She could smell his cologne, the same heady scent she’d smelled on herself the morning after their night together. She could feel his breath, warm against her cheek, a feeling too intimate for where they were.

It was too much and not enough, all at the same time. She had to duck her head, unable to hold his gaze.

His touch made her heart race and the feeling of his fingers toying with the ends of her hair made her shiver. She tried to ignore it but she couldn’t; her body remembered the night they’d spent together, even if she refused to. She felt her cheeks warm at the memory of his fingers slipping between her legs. He’d been holding her hand then as well.

She rested her forehead against his jaw, hiding her face. All her life she’d been told she had the worst poker face Tauriel had ever seen. Fíli’s hand flattened against the small of her back, holding her close. She could feel the warmth of his palm through the thin layer of her dress, making her shiver anew. His touch, his hands, his proximity – it was overwhelming.

“Sigrid?” She lifted her head, not realising her eyes had fallen closed.

“Yes?” She breathed, hoping, _praying,_ that the direction her thoughts had taken her weren’t obvious on her face.

“Are you alright?”

It was a simple enough question but she found herself staring at him, unsure how to answer.

“I don’t know.” She murmured truthfully, looking past him when she found looking at him too difficult. But Fíli canted his head, forcing her to meet his gaze. He tightened his hold on her hand, giving it a small, almost imperceptible squeeze that she imagined was supposed to be comforting.

“What is it? Is it… ” He trailed off, leaving whatever he’d about to say unspoken.

He was looking at her strangely; there was worry in the crease between his brows but something she didn’t recognise in the depths of his blue, blue eyes. His eyes never left her as his hand slowly moved, sliding from the small of her back to lay his palm flat against her stomach. The unexpected touch – there, in the middle of a crowded dance floor, of all places – startled her and she jerked away from him.

It effectively broke whatever haze she’d been in.

She took a step back, pulling her hand out of his grasp so she could press the heels of her palms against the sides of her head.

“Sigrid, I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to -” He was reaching for her, desperate, but she took another stumbling step away from him and shook her head.

“It’s okay – I just – I need some air.” She stalked away before he could say another word, berating herself under her breath as she pushed her way through the crowded dancefloor. She didn’t look back to see if Fíli was following her. She hoped he wasn’t.

Sigrid stumbled out of the emergency exit and was assaulted at once with the cold night air. The biting cold in the alley outside the club stole her breath and made her chest ache something fierce. It was the middle of winter and she’d left her coat inside. Sigrid huffed out a laugh, her breath hovering in the air in front of her, and tipped her head back, letting it thump against the brick wall behind her. She rubbed her bare arms in vain and clenched her teeth to stop them from chattering. She would need to go back inside soon but she couldn’t – she _couldn’t -_

She closed her eyes and swallowed down what felt like tears.

The rational part of her mind told her it was just hormones, piled on top of a lack of sleep and a stressful few weeks. The less rational part however…

The door opened beside her and Sigrid braced herself. She opened her eyes expecting Fíli but found Tauriel stood opposite her. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not.

“You alright?” The other girl asked, frowning as she crossed arms over her chest.

“Yeah.” Sigrid smiled weakly. “I just needed some air.”

Tauriel didn’t look convinced. “You’re going to freeze to death out here. What the hell did Fíli say to you?”

“Nothing.” She sighed. That was part of the problem. He hadn’t even had to say anything and she’d lost all her senses. “He didn’t say anything. I… I’m going to go. I know it’s New Year’s Eve and we’ve barely been here an hour but I’m tired, T. I just want to go home.”

“Okay.” Tauriel’ said, surprising her. She’d expected her to put up more of a fight. The other girl’s expression softened and she reached out, placing her hand on Sigrid’s shoulder. “Want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s okay.” Sigrid shook her head, mustering up a smile. “You stay, have fun. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Tauriel squeezed her shoulder. “If you’re sure. Wait here, I’ll go get your coat.”

She was gone before Sigrid could say anything, walking back into the club with the door slamming shut behind her. Sigrid rubbed her hands together, trying to bring back feeling to her numb fingers. She knew she should follow Tauriel back into the warmth of the club but for whatever reason, she couldn’t bring herself to move. The night air – as cold as it was – was helping clear her head. It had dulled the headache throbbing at her temples, made her dizziness pass, and that was almost worth freezing her ass off for.

As she leaned against the wall of the building, the back of her neck prickled as if someone was watching her. It was the same strange feeling she had felt inside the club. Unable to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, she lifted her head and scanned the dark alley with narrowed eyes. On one side of her was a dead end, nothing but an overloaded skip and a couple of bins, while the other side lead out onto the street.

Under the flickering orange streetlight she could just made out the shape of a black car, idling on the side of the road. Its lights were off and it was too dark to see if someone was sitting inside. It was probably nothing – she knew that, logically, but she couldn’t shake the feeling. It made a shiver run down her spine that had nothing to do with the cold.

With one last glance at the car, Sigrid turned and made to walk back into the club. The door burst open before she could and she blinked, too startled to protest, when strong hands suddenly grabbed her shoulders and hauled her inside.

“Hey, what do you -” She started to say, shoving whoever had grabbed her away, but the words died in her throat.

It was only Fíli. She nearly sighed in relief when she looked up and saw his face.

He was looking at her strangely again. There was worry in the set of his mouth and the way that his eyes kept flickering towards the door, like he expected something to come through it. He hadn’t let go of her shoulders either. She could see Tauriel hovering nearby, holding her coat, glancing at them every now and again, talking animatedly to someone on the phone. She knew she ought to question it but he was so warm, she couldn’t help but lean into him. When she was warm – when she could feel her fingers and her toes again – she would ask what the hell was going on.

“Shit, Sigrid. You’re freezing.” He exclaimed, his breath ghosting across the top of her head when he pulled her in close.

“Sorry.” She murmured after a beat, her cheeks warming when she draw back a step. “It was colder out there than I expected. Silly of me...”

“Yeah.” He breathed, still looking at her with wide, worried eyes. “Uh, Tauriel said you were thinking of heading home. Want me to walk you to your car?”

Sigrid nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Sensibly, she knew she should say no. It was best for them both if they kept their distance so she could have a chance to figure things out. But she found she couldn’t say no. Not when he was being so nice, and not when he was looking at her like that.

One of his hands moved to the small of her back, keeping her close while he guided her through the club. Tauriel, who was still on the phone, passed her her coat when she walked past and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Sigrid waved goodbye over her shoulder and shrugged on her coat, buttoning it up to her neck. She didn’t really need it though, not when she was standing next to Fíli, who was like a walking, talking space heater.

Sigrid looked around the street when they stepped out of the club and found that the car was gone. The space beneath the flickering streetlight was empty, like there had never been anything there at all.

Fíli followed her gaze, his brows pulled together. He touched her elbow, drawing her attention back to him.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” She murmured distractedly, eyes flickering back to where the car had been. She couldn’t explain the strange feeling she had felt in the alley, like someone out there was watching her. She had felt it before but never quite like that. She glanced back at Fíli and forced a reassuring smile onto her lips. “It’s nothing. I thought I saw something, that’s all. Shall we go?”

It took a beat for him to follow as she started towards her car. He didn’t touch her again but kept close, glancing over his shoulder every now and again. She wondered if maybe he felt it too, if there was something going on that logic couldn’t explain.

She opened her mouth to ask but quickly shut it again, too embarrassed to put words to whatever paranoia had threatened to overtake her back in the alley. It was nothing. Just hormones and too little sleep. Never a good combination.

There was a twenty four hour diner around the corner from the club, across the road from where she’d parked her car. Sigrid paused when she saw it, her stomach almost immediately giving a little growl of hunger. Fíli stopped too, as if he had somehow heard it, and glanced at the diner.

“Hungry?”

“A little.” She admitted with a small smile. “Are you?”

He smiled back at her, the diner’s neon lights reflecting in his eyes. “Starving.”

The diner was quiet. There were a few people sitting at the counter, nursing cups of coffee. In her first few years as a student, when she’d been working nights, she would have been one of them. Fíli held the door open for her and she shrugged off her coat when she stepped inside, hit at once with a blast of artificially hot air. A young waitress, no more than seventeen or eighteen, looked up from her phone at the sound of the bell above the door and sighed. Sigrid couldn’t blame her. She’d been in her shoes once, working while all her friends were out having fun.

Sigrid slid into a booth and Fíli sat opposite her, his eyes narrowing as he looked out of the window next to them. She brushed it off as nothing, focusing her attention on the menu instead.

“What to choose, what to choose…” She murmured under her breath as she read through the long list of food, not realising she’d spoken until Fíli’s lips twitched.

When the waitress eventually wandered over, Sigrid ordered pancakes and a hot chocolate while Fíli went for a full English breakfast. They didn’t speak much while they waited for their food and drinks to arrive but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. There was some tinny Christmas song playing over the radio and the occasional shout and cursing from the kitchens but other than that, it was nice. A pleasant respite from all the noise at the club.

“Sigrid, there’s something I need to -” Fíli started to say, breaking the silence. He stopped short when the waitress reappeared with their drinks. She smiled overly long at Fíli, fluttering her long eyelashes while she poured his coffee. It took the sound of the bell above the door ringing for her to look away, her ponytail swishing as she meandered back to the counter. Sigrid’s eyes followed her, lips quirked in amusement. She supposed to ought to be offended but the bemused look on Fíli’s face was enough for her to know that he wasn’t sure what to do with the attention.

“What were you going to say?” Sigrid asked before she took a tentative sip of her hot chocolate, testing the temperature.

“It – well, it’s about our first date. About why I didn’t show up.”

“Oh.” Sigrid set her drink back down on the table and glanced away from him, feeling her cheeks warm. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear whatever he had to say. Whatever the reason, whether he’d forgotten or he hadn’t been interested enough or she’d misread things completely - it was embarrassing. She didn’t like to remind herself that the only reason he was even sitting in front of her was because she was pregnant. “I don’t… You don’t need to tell me. I told you, I get it -”

“No,” Fíli cut in with a heavy sigh. “You don’t.”

“So what then?” She asked, her tone sharper than she intended. “What’s the reason?”

“There are… things you don’t know about me. About my life. Things I don’t really know how to explain.” He began, hanging his head. His hand was on the table, it would be such an easy thing to reach out and take it. But Sigrid stayed still, resisted the urge, and listened to what he had to say. “And that day – before our date – a friend of mine was in trouble. He got into a fight – a bad one - outside of Laketown and was arrested. He – he goes into fits when he’s mad. Sees red and isn’t in control of his actions. There are only a couple of people he trusts – who can calm him down when he gets like that – and I was the only one nearby. I wanted to call you – wanted to beg for another chance – but things got so crazy, I thought it would be better if I… if I just stayed away.”

“Laketown…” Sigrid murmured more to herself than him. He lifted his head, looking at her at long last. “Who was the arresting officer?”

Fíli frowned. That clearly hadn’t been what he’d thought she’d ask.

“My dad.” She explained. “He’s an Inspector. Works at the Laketown police station.”

“I don’t remember their names. There were two of them. I think they were both Constables. An older man with a big moustache and a real weasel of a human. Black hair, monobrow… Total prick.”

“Braga and Lickspittle.” Sigrid huffed. “The worst of the worst. Your friend – is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s alright. Got released just before Christmas. Good thing too, otherwise his wife would’ve killed him.” Fíli said, laughing to himself.

Neither of them noticed that the waitress had reappeared until two plates full of food were unceremoniously dumped between them. The girl didn’t linger this time. She walked off before either of them could thank her.

Sigrid got stuck into her pancakes, her thoughts far away. Fíli had given her a lot to think about. She had always assumed he hadn’t turned up or contacted her again because he wasn’t interested. She’d called and texted him and when he hadn’t replied, she’d gotten the hint pretty quick. She had never thought that something else might be going on, some other reason… He still should have let her know, but she understood why he hadn’t. He’d had a lot going on. Lickspittle and Braga wouldn’t have made it easy for his friend. They certainly didn’t for her father.

“I was… I was really disappointed. That I never heard from you.” Sigrid admitted after she’d finished her pancakes, flushing when his brows lifted. She thought she saw something hopeful in his eyes and she wasn’t sure what to do with it. She didn’t know where they went from there.

“Yeah.” He sighed, setting his now empty plate aside. “Me too.”

Sigrid bit her lip, unsure what to say. It felt like they were standing at the edge of something. One of them just needed to take the plunge. Yet, things between them were a great deal more complicated than they had been a few months ago. It would do neither of them any good to forget about that.

She glanced away when holding his gaze grew too difficult and looked out the window. She made a small sound of surprise at the sight of snow gathering on the windowsill. They’d said on the radio that there wouldn’t be any more snow this winter. There was already a light dusting of white on the empty street, falling from the sky in light, gentle flurries. A smile touched her lips. If it was snowing back home in Laketown, there would be a new snowman in the front garden come morning.

Fíli took in her expression with a slow smile spreading across his face.

“Want to get going?” He asked and she nodded, her gaze never leaving the snowy street. She would go home in the morning, she decided. She would spend her week off with her family. It had been too long since she’d slept in her old bed.

Fíli insisted on paying and so she waited for him outside, catching snowflakes in the palm of her hand.

She had half-expected to feel that odd sense that someone was watching her when she stepped onto the street but it was quite the opposite. She felt happier than she had all day, all the tension she’d been carrying was gone. Glancing over her shoulder, she met Fíli’s gaze through the glass door and smiled. The way he looked at her made her feel warm all over.

The waitress was fluttering her eyelashes at him again, twirling a lock of her red hair around her index finger. She said something to him that she couldn’t hear, something that made his eyebrows shoot up. Sigrid watched, a smile playing at her lips, as Fíli shook his head and said something that made the young waitress pout. She didn’t blame the girl for flirting with him. She’d been a sucker for those blue eyes and dimples almost immediately as well.

“Hey, it’s – uh, almost midnight.” Fíli told her as he stepped out of the diner, awkwardly rubbing the nape of his neck. He looked a little flushed, she noted with a smile.

She glanced at her watch. _11:58pm._ Only a few minutes to go.

“So it is.” She smiled. “Got any resolutions?”

“Just one.” Was all he said, flashing her a warm smile. She huffed out a laugh and started towards her car.

But Fíli caught her arm before she could take a step. She opened her mouth to speak but the words died in her throat when she met his gaze. His blue eyes were bright, his lips curved in a lopsided grin. When he looked at her like that, she knew she didn’t have to worry about him running off with any waitresses anytime soon.

His gaze flickered to her lips and they parted unconsciously. That seemed to be the invitation he was waiting for. He kissed her then, right in the middle of the deserted street, under the soft moonlight, with snowflakes catching in their hair.

He drew away, smiling. Somewhere in the distance, she heard the sound of people counting down.

_Three, two, one…_

“Happy New Year, Sigrid.”


End file.
